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I'm a 35 black childfree woman living in Hokkaido. I've been here since 2024. At first, I met and dated another JET programme ALT, but after we broke up, I installed tinder, hinge and bumble.

Now, before you tell me I should've focused on dating in real life, I'll say that doesn't work for me. I have a very robust social life, and many of the men I meet are too young, already taken, single but have kids, I'm not attracted to or vice versa.

So, the apps. For one, most men there say they want kids or they are ENM. Then I have found (paid for a week premium occasionally) that most of the men who actually like me are Japanese men (duh, it's Japan), but I feel like foreign men who come here are only interested in Japanese women (I lived in France and had no issue meeting men; in fact, I changed my hinge location to there and got a LOT of likes).

I matched and went on two dates with foreigners, but one could barely speak English and the other was here for only 6 months

Ok, so date Japanese men then. Well, many of the men who like me seem to only do so because I'm black (if you know, you know about the Asian men who really like hip hop, rap etc) or a foreigner (they want to "try something new"), and so when we matched they would sexualize me a lot. Sometimes they were good at texting, but when we met, they were unhinged: trying to touch me. Ask gross questions (eg: one guy asked me if my ass was real or a bbl)

So, after 6 months, I'm calling it quits. I have a lot of hobbies, friends etc, so I was simply looking for companionship, but it's a sunken place